I was the fourth child that my mum homeschooled, and having gone through three children already, it’s safe to say she knew what she was doing by the time it got to me. I grew up as a missionary kid in a small city in China in the late 2000s and early 2010s. I was homeschooled from Grade 4 – 12 and was also connected to a Canadian online school that I eventually graduated from. 

Looking back at my homeschool days, I realize that they were a labour of love. It is hard work, for both parents and children alike, and to do it well, it takes time, energy, and honestly, money.

In my experience, some of the best parts of homeschooling are flexibility! My mum had a set schedule for me (Thursdays were sleep-in days, but every day was PJ Day), where I completed my core subject in the morning and had the afternoons to do electives. We would come back to Canada around once a year and she utilized the travel to Canada and other countries as learning experiences. This is the fun part! Being able to bend any adventure or travel into a lesson that really showcases the beauty, complexity and diversity of the world and its ideas! I wouldn’t trade it for anything else. 

Some of the obvious cons to homeschooling for me was lack of friends my age. I mainly grew up with adult friends as most Chinese kids were busy in school and my city did not have any foreign kids my age. There were many times I felt alone and, even though I made some foreign friends (fellow TCKs) from weekend camps, it left us with months in-between visits and cramped thumbs from all the texting with a numeric keypad. I felt like I missed out on the normalcy of going to a Canadian or public school, the little details of having one’s own locker, going to a cafeteria, and riding the bus. Even as an adult, I still catch myself not knowing certain cultural references or having new experiences that would be commonplace for other students. 

My mum and I had our fair share of fights over schoolwork through the years. I found her dual position as both teacher and mother hard to differentiate. This led to a lot of tension, especially when she critiqued and graded my work. I think we both found great relief when I went fully online in Grade 10, and she could just be a helper and not the judge. The dynamic between teacher and parent, or student and child, is a hard one to figure out. There seems to be no physical, time, or language barrier between the two sets of roles; this can exacerbate any tension that’s going on in ‘school life’ and continue it into the ‘personal life.’ 

It takes time and energy to find a thought-provoking and soul-filling curriculum and, even more so, to teach and make it engaging. It also can cost a lot of money to buy curriculum, go on field trips that aren’t covered or subsidized by a school, and join extra-curriculars. Even buying discounted books and bringing them back to China meant spending the extra money on another luggage piece.

Reflecting about my homeschool days makes me feel a little sad for the young girl who did not have much choice in how she was educated. There is a lot of fondness and appreciation for the adventures and flexibility to learn; it taught me how to be disciplined and grounded. I would even say the values I learned and skills I developed led me to where I am today. But I won’t lie, there is a shadow of ‘otherness’ and loneliness in my homeschool experience.

This 'otherness' became pronounced when I would try to relate to local Chinese children, international school students in other cities, and even classmates from my online school community. I did not befriend my online school classmates until the end of Grade 11, which left me eight years without a fellow peer. Even then, I had to navigate time zones, physical distance, and cultural references. Perhaps it’s easier now with more access to technology that can connect us, but there is also a risk of bad habits or concerning relationships because of the internet. Looking back, I am eternally grateful to the adults that took me under their wing, giving me an ear and space to vent, to laugh, and to be authentically myself. Without them, I would not be who I am today, and in many ways, being homeschooled was foundational in my identity formation.